One Day At A Time Happy Ending Version 2
by Duran Of Folsena
Summary: This is my revision of the ending of the now-classic--in my opinion--FF8 story written by Sargent Phoenix, and then revised by Crimson. Please read and review. I'd love to know what you think of it. CHAPTER 3 NOW UPLOADED Quistis/Seifer.
1. Chapter 11 I Am The Messenger

Well, this is my version of One Day At A Time's ending. I hope you like it.  
  
  
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy 8, and all characters referred to herein, are the property of Squaresoft. The quote in latin Zell's speaks isn't mine either. I got it from the fanfic "Eden" written by Tenshi No Korin. I claim no ownership to it.  
  
  
Chapter 11-I Am The Messenger  
  
"Zell…put the gun down," Squall pleaded, approaching Zell with caution, trying desperately to maintain the facade of calm his face could barely hold. Zell backed away rapidly, the barrel of the gun at his temple shaking madly. His other hand clutched the railing in an attempt to keep himself righted. His legs tremored so violently it was a wonder he hadn't fallen to the floor by now. The emotional turmoil, the tears, the drugs--they were all battling for dominance within him, and no matter who won, Squall knew the loser would be Zell.   
He refused to let that happen.  
"G'get away from me!" Zell yelled, shoving the gun barrel to his temple to emphasize his intent. Not that he needed to; Squall already knew what hung in the balance here. Tears were streaming in rivers down his cheeks. He wiped at his eyes, sobbing.  
"Zell…please put the gun down. Please…" Squall spoke cautiously, choosing his words with care, and battling to stay calm. He'd never dreamed he'd ever be in a situation like this. Hell, fighting Ultemecia wasn't this complicated! (I've gotta get that gun from him somehow…God, How did he even get one…? Zell… how did it ever come to this…? How did you get so lost…?)  
I'is Selphie okay…? I'I didn't mean to hurt her, Squall…I'm sorry…" he cried, wiping his eyes again. "I didn't mean to, man, I swear…"  
Squall felt himself tremble inside. His throat was clenched and stripped raw, like he'd swallowed poison. Zell looked lost like a lost soul caught between worlds. Torn by the desperation to live and the desire to die…to end the pain.  
Yeah…Selphie's alright, Zell. You didn't hurt her. She's fine," Squall took a small step forward. Zell yanked the gun away from his head, leveling it at Squall's heart.  
Get away from me, man! I mean it!!"  
"Zell, c'mon…just put the gun down and we'll talk…just you and me, okay…? Just you and me, buddy."  
Zell shook his head. "I don't wanna talk any more…" he sobbed, sticking the barrel back to his head. "I always end up hurting somebody when I talk…You promised they wouldn't find out, Squall, you promised…" Zell's voice stunk of pain and fear deep enough to drown in.  
I know I promised, Zell…" Squall was sick inside. He could hardly keep his composure in the face of so much anguish, and the fact that it was coming from Zell, someone Squall always believed to be the embodiment of life and energy and exuberance made it almost unbearable to see. "You don't know how sorry I am…it was an accident, Zell, I'm sorry…" Squall's voice cracked slightly as he swallowed the bitterness in his mouth. But as bad as it was for him to swallow, Squall knew that he only had a taste of the pain.  
Zell was choking on his…choking to death.  
No…Squall thought ferociously. I'm not gonna let him down…not again…  
" I trusted you…" Zell whispered in return, the tears burning trails down his face, tears he couldn't seem to free himself from no matter how hard he tried. "I trusted you…"  
"I know…I'm sorry, Zell…Just please put the gun down…I wanna help you," Squall swallowed again, the rawness in his throat worse than before. "I wanna help you so much, it's eating a hole in me…Remember last night…? You told me you didn't wanna die, remember…? Do you remember telling me that…?  
It doesn't matter anymore…I can't…I can't take it…! I'm not like you, Squall…I don't have your strength…your bravery….I wanted so much to be like you, man, but I can't…! I never will be…Everything hurts, Squall…I gotta make it stop…this is the only thing I've got left…!" Zell squeezed his eyes shut, another flood of agony raining out of his eyes. "This…" he gasped, "this's all I've got."  
Oh, God, Zell…that's not true… Squall felt his desperation mounting. Zell was on the brink, teetering on the razor's edge between destruction and salvation. "It's okay, Zell…it's okay to cry when you're hurting inside. But, Zell…you've gotta stop this…you can't take this back once it's done. It's not gonna solve anything…please…I'm begging you…please don't do it…"  
Zell was shaking madly now. The drugs were probably running riot through his system doing all kinds of damage. Squall knew he had to be careful now; anything could set Zell off.  
"I don't even know why you're up here anyway…it's not like you care if I die or not…"Zell moaned.  
Squall stared in disbelief. "…Zell…is that what you think…?"  
"It's what I know! You hate my guts, Squall! I know you do!" Zell's voice had gone venomous all of a sudden. "The only reason you're up here is because it's part of your job! The whole commander-lookin'-out-for-his-troop riff! I'm a grunt, that's all…a stupid, loud-mouth grunt…" Zell choked back a sob, and clutched the gun in his hand tight to his chest. Then whispered in a broken voice, "I'm letting you of the hook, Commander. I won't be a burden to you anymore. I know deep down…this is what you want…"  
Zell's declaration trailed off into nothing as the terrace suddenly fell into hurricane-eye silence. There was literally no sound outside. Everything was still, quiet, almost serene in its way. The proverbial pin could've dropped.  
Zell's bloodshot eyes were trained on the floor, the gun still clenched in his hand. He was about to raise it again, to finish what he'd started…  
But then…  
"Zell…" Squall whispered, his voice a trembling shadow of its normal self, "you…you…Oh God, Zell…you're wrong, man…you're so wrong…"  
It was like getting stabbed in the gut with an icicle. Zell felt shock punch its way though him as he raised his head and saw something he'd never--in his lifetime or any other--thought he would see.  
Zell had always know Squall to be intense, to be driven, to be focused. He'd seen Squall serious and cold, indifferent and impassive, distantly concerned and mildly compassionate. But never--never like this…  
Squall Leonhart, the commander of SeeD, the man who'd faced down ravenous T-Rexaurs and power-mad sorceresses , the great Ice-God of Balamb…  
…was crying.   
"Do you have any idea how much everyone in Garden needs you…? I'm just their leader…their commander…the guy in charge, but you…everyone here loves you so much…" Squall swallowed hard, sending a wave of tears down his cheeks. "You're so open with people, Zell…you care about what happens to them…you let them in and touch them without getting hurt…you're totally fearless where it means the most. I can risk my life on suicide missions and kick butt in combat drills, but all that's nothing compared to the courage you've got…You said you wanted to be like me…? Zell…I'm the one who wants to be like you…"  
Something in Zell's face was changing, Squall noticed. It was so slight and imperceptible at first, he wondered if it was just wishful thinking. But then Squall noticed that Zell wasn't crying anymore. He still had tears in his eyes, but the steady rain of them down his face had stopped. He had to keep this going, he couldn't stop now.  
Squall wiped his eyes and kept going. "When I lost Ellone…I shut myself down…I told myself that I'd be okay on my own…that I didn't anyone to help me through the loneliness and everything it came with…but I was wrong, Zell…I was dead wrong…and you know when I started to think like that…?"  
"…When you…you met Rinoa…" Zell stammered. He was still in shock seeing Squall crying like this.  
Squall shook his head. "Rinoa just gave me the kick in the butt I needed, Zell. But you…you were the one who made me wonder what I was missing out on…you reached out to me when nobody else would…you wouldn't take no for an answer, no matter how much I blew you off or pretended I didn't care…but I did, Zell…I do care…so damned much it hurts…" He took another step forward.  
"Don't…!" Zell shouted, lashing out with the gun again. But his aim was faulty, his arm trembling violently. The tears returned in full force. But Squall's were even worse. He stood in front of Zell, almost sobbing himself, the facade of indifference he'd spent years hiding behind long since gone.  
"Zell…you said that you had to make it stop…? It might stop for you, but what about us…? What about everyone you'd leave behind…? Rinoa…Quistis…Irvine…Selphie…Seifer…the whole Garden…your parents…everyone in Balamb who loves you…" he paused for a second, stumbled over a sob. And then added in a shattered whisper, "…me…?"  
Zell stared wordlessly for a minute, his gun arm still quivering as Squall continued. "Zell…I can't take anyone else leaving me…it's too hard…it hurts too much…I can't go through that again…so if you're so set on doing this, you may as well put a bullet in my heart, too, because I am not gonna live the rest of my life knowing I couldn't save you from this! I am not gonna do it, because I would die! I would go out of my mind!!"   
Zell dropped his gaze to the floor again; his mind was in turmoil. He didn't know what to believe. Was he hallucinating? Was all this just a side effect of all the pills he'd consumed? It had to be…there was no way out of this…Squall didn't care about him…he was completely and utterly doomed…  
Wasn't he?  
But if that was the case, why was Squall so upset? Why was he up here spilling his tears and his guts in equal measure? Why was he crying so much? Zell couldn't understand it…did he really have that much of an impact on Squall's life to make him care like this?  
The soft touch of leather squeezed the back of Zell's neck suddenly, making him gasp slightly in shock. He jerked his head up to find Squall standing there in front of him, barely an inch or so between them, storm-cloud gray eyes locked on electric blue ones, mirroring each other's heartache.  
"You're my best friend, Zell…" Squall choked out, pressing his forehead against Zell's. "I…I love you…please…please, don't do it…please…"  
  
Seifer stood in the doorframe, half-in, half-out, and keeping to the shadows, but watching the whole scene intently. It had been too much, even for him to take, and he had tears flowing freely down his face. He been begging and pleading to God or to Hyne or any other deity who might have been listening for this to end without anyone paying the price for it. He was sick with shame at all the things he'd done after throwing in with that madwoman, Ultimecia, but this…this was far worse. He'd done his best to make Zell feel like dirt at every single turn from childhood and onward, never caring about what he said, or stopping to think about the damage he was doing, and the consequences that would come of it later. He had no idea Zell felt like this, and it was only now, in the face of so much anguish that he realized how much he actually cared about the little squirt. And Squall…his rival…his eternal rival…he cared about him too. He didn't want to see either of them die.  
Oh God…he moaned inside. Please don't let it end like this…not like this…Seifer watched in silence as Squall wrapped his arms around Zell's stomach, and pulled him close, still pleading with him not to let go of his life. Zell's arms were slack at his sides, shoulders quaking like tree branches in a hurricane, his eyes swarming with emotion. His hand was still locked desperately around the revolver, and Seifer started wondering if Zell intended to shoot himself and take Squall with him. Seifer hoped he wouldn't have to intervene; he had no idea what the sight of him could do to Zell's state of mind, and the whole scenario was precarious enough as it was.  
But still…he couldn't do nothing…that would be even worse.  
Then he saw it; Zell's arm was moving upward in a slow, deliberate fashion. Seifer tensed on instinct, ready to spring forward. The distance between him and the other boys was considerable, and he had no illusions about possibly not being able to get there in time, but he didn't care. Better to try than play silent witness to this tragedy in the making. Zell's arm continued to rise, his index finger quaking on the gun trigger. He crossed it over Squall's shoulders, the barrel briefly ruffling the furred collar of his jacket…  
…and in a blur of motion, Zell threw it as hard as he could to the right, sending it sailing over the edge of the terrace, and into the night below. Then he threw his arms around Squall's neck, sobbing softly into his shoulder.  
Seifer's breath came out in a rush of relief as he sagged to the floor. He laid his head against the cool metal wall and whispered, "Thank you…Oh God, thank you…thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou…"  
Zell dug his fingers into Squall's shoulders, clinging desperately to him, to his hope, to his sanity--he didn't know, but he was clearly clinging to something. Squall rubbed the back of his head in reassurance, letting Zell know that he was there for him.  
"Squall…" he said softly, "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry, man…"  
"Shhhh…It's alright, Zell," Squall spoke just as softly, trying to soothe his friend. "It's gonna be okay, buddy. I'm gonna do everything I can to help you through this. We all will, Zell. I meant what I said before…you're my best friend…I'm not gonna give up on you…now or ever."  
"…Thanks, Squall…" Zell tightened his grip gratefully on Squall, closing his eyes, and sending the last rush of tears down his face.  
Squall squeezed him again, then lifted his head off Zell's shoulder where it had been resting. "Listen, we gotta get you to the Infirmary; get those pills you took out of your system. Can you make it that far, Zell?"  
"Yeah…yeah, I think I… I… I… I…'' Zell's voice dropped away into a strange silence. His body straightened and went stiff as if he'd been hit head-on by a Thundaga spell. His breath deepened, his eyes were clenched shut ,and his chest heaved in a slow and decidedly inhuman rhythm.   
"Zell? Zell, what's wrong?" Squall straightened up, shaking Zell's shoulders slightly. "Zell, are you--"  
Squall never got to finish his sentence. Zell's eyes snapped open, and he was powerless to look anywhere else but into their depths. The bright, friendly, familiar blue of Zell's eyes was gone, and in its place were twin voids of fathomless black with pinpricks of white flickering within. Planets, stars, and galaxies were laid against the eternal expanse of darkness, glowing with ancient colors the spectrum had long since forgotten. Squall stared in unspoken shock at the starscape before him, unable to speak. Zell's eyebrows lowered and narrowed as they pointed to each other.  
Then, in a voice like a burning star, he spoke: " I am …the Messenger…"  
"...Zell…?" Squall whispered.  
" Ixos thanos hic tsoltas valents timnet…" Zell intoned, "Chros non regnes hox vocses…I am the Messenger with destiny in my wings…Time…can…not…still…my…words…" As soon as the words left his lips, the sea of stars in Zell's eyes flickered and vanished, the bright blue Squall knew so well regaining dominance again. But the experience had left those eyes washed over with a fear that neither boy could explain.  
"…Sq-Squall…" Zell gasped, trembling, his limbs going numb, darkness crashing over his body and mind. "…please…he-help…m-m-me…"  
"ZELL!!"  
Zell sank into Squall's arms, like a puppet with its strings cut.  
The world faded to back. 


	2. Chapter 12 Remembrance

Hi again. I know I said I'd explain things in this chapter, but I got caught up in the whole emotional angle of all this, and as a result, I got sappy instead--Oh BOY, did I get sappy… But don't worry, everything WILL be made clear soon.   
  
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy 8 and all characters referred to herein are the property of Squaresoft.  
  
Chapter 12-Remembrance  
"LOOK OUT!!" Seifer thundered as he charged through the hallways. Squall was right behind him, cradling Zell's unconscious body in his arms. "Get outta the way, you guys!!" Seifer was about ten feet ahead of him, clearing a makeshift path through the throngs of students who'd suddenly appeared in the halls that led to the Infirmary. It seemed like the whole Garden had been roused from slumber. The students were dumbstruck, talking among themselves , wondering what was wrong. Fear and confusion was etched into every face Squall raced past. Some of the girls were crying. Squall was a little surprised by that. Not that people were crying over Zell, but the fact that so many people knew something was wrong already. How did that happen?  
Squall shoved it all away. There was no time to address it now. He'd just saved Zell from blowing his head off; he wasn't about to lose him now to a drug overdose.  
"Clear outta the way! Move it or lose it!!" Seifer was shooing the students out of the way left and right as they headed into the home stretch past the main staircase and down the hall toward the Infirmary where a good amount of the student body was already assembled. The others were already there; Quistis and Rinoa were trying to keep things moderately calm along with Fujin and Raijin. Irvine was standing near the guardrail on the right with a very worried-looking Selphie. Xu was there as well, talking quickly to the both of them. Xu asked Irvine something, and he nodded in response, handing her a small black case. She glanced at it quickly, he eyes widening. She swerved around quickly, and bolted down the hall toward Dr. Kadowaki's office, shouting Nida's name.  
"Oh God…ZELL!" Selphie gasped in horror as Seifer approached with Squall moving quickly in his wake. Irvine took her by the shoulders as Rinoa and Quistis broke from the crush of students and hurried toward them. Some of the crowd tried to push their way closer, only to be blocked by Fuijin and Raijin.  
"Hey, take it easy!" Raijin yelled, pushing some of the crowd back. "Give 'em room ta get by, ya know?"  
"RECEED!" Fujin ordered at his side, her hand halfway to her shuriken.  
"Oh no…Squall…he's…he's not--"Irvine asked as he and the others closed in on them, all of them drinking in the terrible sight of Zell hanging limp in Squall's trembling arms.  
"No, he's not, Irvine," Squall's voice was thick with determined ferocity, "he's not, and there's no way in hell I'm gonna let him slip away from us now. Not after all this."  
"Nida's prepping the Infirmary for Zell now. Xu's helping him." Quistis said, touching Squall's arm. He could see she was battling to keep her calm, but the sight of Zell looking so pale and weak was getting to her.  
"I gotta get Zell in there…Guys?" Squall asked, looking around.  
"Go," Rinoa told him. "We'll handle things here." The others nodded in consent. Squall took a step forward, then stopped short, turning to Seifer, a look of unspoken gratitude on his face. "Seifer…I…"  
Seifer squeezed his shoulder. "Just get Zell in there, huh? We can hash out the past after he's okay."  
Squall nodded. "Thanks." He dashed down the hallway, feeling the worried eyes of everyone in the Garden trained on his retreating back. He squeezed Zell tight against his chest as he picked up his pace.  
He only prayed that when he saw all those eyes again, it would be to tell them that Zell would be all right.  
  
  
"Squall! Over here!" Nida shouted as Squall barged through the Infirmary door, almost losing his balance and his grip on Zell as he skidded across the threshold of the small room. Xu was frantically prepping the detoxicification equipment as well as priming an oxygen unit and breath mask in case it was necessary. Squall laid Zell down on the operating table., then moved to the side to give Nida access, pressing a stethescope to Zell's chest.  
"Status?" Xu asked.  
"Decelerated breathing and heart rate," Nida said, worried. "He's not responding to outside stimulus, either."  
"Damn," Xu swore. "We'll have pump his stomach and run a full detoxicification sweep. I'm amazed he's still with us at all after all those pills he took."  
"What kind were they?" Squall asked.  
"Xerevin," Nida told him. "Irvine and Selphie found them in Zell's room. We don't know how much he took, though. The medicine cabinet in the other room was broken open, so Zell must've gotten them from there.  
"My God," Squall muttered. Xerevin was a drug developed by a medical firm in Esthar. It was usually administered in small doses to patients who were undergoing surgery within a twelve-hour frame of time as a physical and mental relaxant. But in large doses, the side effects were severe, the most prominent being emotional instability. But Zell's emotions had been all over the place lately, so the drugs were only responsible for the scene on the terrace. And it didn't explain what Squall had seen before Zell had passed out. The sight of his friend's eyes, and the inhuman voice in which he'd spoken still glared against his mind's eye…  
…I am the Messenger…time…can…not…still...my…words…  
"Squall…" Xu's voice brought him back to himself, "Squall, we need to get started. You'll have to wait outside--"  
"I'm not going any further than outside this room, Xu," Squall said, leaving no room for negotiation. "Zell needs me, and I came too damn close to losing him tonight. There's no way in hell I'm leaving here until this is over…one way or the other. I owe him that much." Squall tensed up instantly, expecting that Xu was going to pull rank on him, but after a second, she replied, "Fair enough. Now please, Squall…wait outside."  
Squall shut his eyes and nodded, fighting back fresh tears. He was halfway out the door, poised to leave. But then he looked over his shoulder at Xu and Nida.  
"I'm counting on you two," he stumbled out softly. "Please guys…please don't let him die."  
Nida flashed a confident smile and a thumbs-up sign--the first sign of hope Squall had that Zell might pull through. Xu nodded, her expression guarded, but comforting somehow.  
"No one dies on my watch, Squall."  
  
The crowd in the hall outside the Infirmary wasn't getting any smaller. In fact, it had doubled in volume since Squall took Zell inside not more than a few minutes ago. Quistis had never seen anything like it before. All these students assembled here for one person-- it was truly amazing. Even the junior classmen were here showing their concern for Zell. She knew he was popular among the students, but she hadn't expected this at all.  
Her eyes roamed over the crowd, coming to rest on Seifer. He was talking to a small cluster of the junior classmen who looked especially worried about Zell. She watched as Seifer crouched down in the middle of the small group, and put his hand on the shoulder of the boys who was trying to fight back his tears. Quistis couldn't quite make out what Seifer was saying to him, but whatever it was, it seemed to help considerably, because the boy wiped his eyes and managed a smile and a nod. Seifer grinned--actually grinned--back at him, and gently ruffled his hair in response. The whole scene was oddly touching, and Quistis found herself smiling unconsciously.  
"I haven't seen him like that in a long time." Quistis turned to see Rinoa standing beside her, her arms wrapped around herself. "He's not all awful, Quistis. Seifer can be one of the nicest people you'll ever meet when he wants to be." Rinoa looked back at him and sighed. "I'd almost forgotten that with all that's happened between us."  
"It's strange, isn't it?" Quistis asked. "How we can hurt each other so casually when we're children? It's ironic that the only memories I can fully recall now are the ones I have of teasing Zell when we all lived at the Orphanage. It wasn't just Seifer, Rinoa. Irvine, Selphie, and I-- we all had turns at Zell in one form or the other. True, I didn't do it as much as they did--being bossy was my racket back then--,but I was hardly innocent. And even though we never meant to be truly cruel with the things we said, we hurt him anyway. The only one of us who never teased him was Squall.  
"Now that I think about it…Squall was the one who always put a stop to it. Whenever one of us would start in on Zell, Squall would jump in and break it up. He got into quite a few fist fights with Seifer over that. Afterward, he'd come up to Zell, and put his arm around him, and the two of them would go off by themselves somewhere. We never did find out what they did together, but they always disappeared for the rest of the day. Squall was so different then. He was quiet and usually kept to himself when he wasn't with Ellone, but he was always friendly with Zell. They were inseparable back then…"  
"And then Ellone vanished…" Rinoa said, "and everything changed."  
"To put it kindly," Quistis sighed. She watched as Rinoa's eyes trailed down the hallway towards the Infirmary, and lingered on the closed door at the end. Quistis took Rinoa's hands, and nodded. "Go to him, Rinoa. He needs you."   
"He needs all of us, Qustis--not just me."  
"I know. But I don't think he can handle seeing all of us just yet. But tell him we're here if he needs us."  
Rinoa nodded. "I will." She turned and headed down the hallway.  
Strange…the walk from where she was to the Infirmary felt longer for some reason…  
  
  
Squall sat in stony silence on the small bed in the Infirmary, the same one Rinoa had been resting on after her encounter with Ultimecia had left her comatose. Squall thought he had lost her forever then, and the irony of being in this same room with the threat of another devastating loss hanging over his head was almost more than he could take. Especially now.  
Because he was starting to remember things. Memories that he thought were lost to him forever had inexplicably resurfaced up on the terrace after years of emotional suppression… and they all centered on Zell. Squall repressed a involuntary shudder as he brushed gloved fingers across the cool metal surface of his necklace, Griever hanging around his neck and flat against his chest like some eternal sentinel guarding over his heart. It was the one constant in his life since his days at the Orphanage. But there was more to it now--much more.   
Because now he remembered where it had come from. And who had given it to him.  
He clenched a trembling fist around Griever, tears forming behind tightly shut eyes. He felt so cold all of a sudden, like the ephemeral breath of Shiva had blown down the back of his neck, and chilled him down to the soul. He couldn't stop trembling.  
But then a gentle weight shifted the mattress next to him, a familiar warmth circling around his neck, driving away the cold . He raised his head and found Rinoa's dark eyes searching his own. She reached for his face, fingertips brushing away the tears on his cheeks.  
"Nothing yet?" She asked hopefully.  
"…No… I'm scared, Noa…scared out of my mind…" Squall's eyes moved to the front of the room. "How is it out there…? Is everything okay…?"  
"Everyone's on edge, but things quieted down some a while ago," she replied, moving closer to him. "And you? Are you all right?"  
Squall laughed without humor. "Sure, if you think slowly going to pieces qualifies as being 'all right'." He sighed, huffing his bangs out of his face irritably. "It's my fault, Rinoa."  
"Squall, don't go there--"  
"Why shouldn't I?" Squall cut in. "It's true. Partly, anyway. If I hadn't locked myself away in my own self-centered universe, maybe Zell would've come to me. He would've trusted me enough to let me in. Why, Noa? Why do we always find out all this stuff when it's too late to make any difference? We hold in so much of the things we really wanna tell the people we love, and when we finally work up the courage, it's…it's…" Squall lost the words, couldn't find them again.  
"Too late?" Rinoa finished, taking Squall's face in her hands. "I don't know, Squall. I guess we're too embarrassed or afraid of being rejected in the end. But Squall--no one can blame you for wanting to escape from the pain you felt back then. You were so young, and you were all alone."  
"Yeah, and it's my own fault," Squall said flatly. "I made the choice to be how I was. Nobody forced me. I could've let people help me, Rinoa. I could've been the person Zell needed me to be before all this came down, but no…I shut him out--I shut everyone out, and look where it got me. Look where it got Zell…" he trailed off , staring down at his hand where he'd been clutching at his necklace. Rinoa looked at it, puzzled.  
"…Griever?" she asked tentatively.  
Squall nodded, his voice down to a whisper. "…Zell, he…he's the one who…he's the one who gave Griever to me. When we were kids…"  
Rinoa's eyes widened as Squall went on. "I remember it now. It all came back to me on the terrace…most of it, anyway. The other kids--Irvine…Selphie…Quistis, every once in a while…and Seifer--of course, Seifer…they picked on him a lot, called him a cry-baby and all that. I was the only one who didn't. I hated it so much, but Zell…he'd just sit there and take it, except when it came from Seifer. But when the others did it, he'd…he'd just shut down. He wouldn't fight back, and I couldn't understand why. So whenever I saw them do it--"  
"You'd break it up," Rinoa finished. Squall turned to her, gray eyes full of questions. "Quistis told me the whole story before I came in here. She was so ashamed of herself when she finished up. I thought she was gonna cry for a minute."  
"I know the feeling." Squall wiped his eyes, but the tears kept coming anyway. "I remember I asked Zell why he'd go after Seifer, but wouldn't stand up for himself when the others gave him the same kind of grief. He said to me, 'Cause it's different with them. They're my friends. Seifer's not.' And remember thinking to myself, 'With friends like that, who the hell needs enemies?' That's part of why I hung around Ellone the way I did--she never made anybody feel like that. No matter who it was, she treated everybody the same. She didn't believe in playing favorites. That's why I loved her so much.  
"But anyway, Zell and I--we were so close back then. I mean, on the days when all of us got along, things were great. But Zell was my favorite person when Sis wasn't there… We'd go to the lighthouse at the end of the beach, and hang out there all day when we wanted to it be just the two of us… Even back then he was hyper. He just couldn't sit still, y'know? Always jumping around, punching and kicking at stuff, handsprings and back flips all over the place… He was something else…" Squall was smiling now, the tears in his eyes finally gone.  
"So…when did Zell give you Griever?" Rinoa asked, caught up in the story.  
" The day after Ellone disappeared. I was a wreck… to say the least." Squall sighed, the smile on his face slipping away. "I was out in the rain all alone, crying my eyes out when he found me… Zell tried so hard to make it better, but I didn't wanna hear it… All I wanted was her…. After a few minutes, he fished Griever out of his pocket, and showed it to me. I stopped crying long enough to ask him what it was, and he said he found it on the beach somewhere a few months ago. He told me he couldn't believe anybody could let something that looked so cool get away from them. I could tell he really liked it, though. He said I was the only person he'd shown it to...   
"Then he reached over and put it around my neck, and he said, 'That's for you, Squall.' I just looked back at him, and I asked him, '…why…?' I mean , here he was--giving up something he liked so much for me, and for what…? I didn't get it then. But then he reached out and put his arms around my neck, and he…he hugged me, and he said… 'Cause you're my best friend… 'cause you're hurtin' an' I wanna make it okay for you… but I guess it's just cause…I love you…'  
"I guess I lost it then, because I was hugging Zell as hard as I could, crying all over again…Nobody had ever told me they loved me before except Sis… it was so weird, Noa… I was all torn up inside…but…I was happy… does that make sense…?"  
"All the sense in the world," Rinoa answered tenderly, resting her chin on Squall's shoulder, circling her arms around his stomach. Squall leaned into the touch hungrily, and fully returned the embrace , his nose in her hair.  
"Everything else after that's still pretty gray, except for the times I talked to Sis when I was by myself. When I finally enrolled here, I buried myself in the training. It kept me from thinking about things too much. And when I started using Guardian Forces, I didn't even care about the memory loss--Hell, a big part of me welcomed it…just to give me a way out of the pain…to keep from dealing with it. God…I was so naïve, Rinoa… I wanted to lose the pain so much, I ended up taking everything that ever made me feel loved along with it." Squall sighed, putting his face in his hands. "And now Zell--"  
"No," Rinoa said, shaking her head, "not Zell. He's still here, Squall. He's alive. And as long as he is, there's still hope. And I think the reason you remembered all this was so you could tell him yourself how much you still need him. You can't give up, Squall…not now." Rinoa tightened her grip on him. "Don't lose your faith in that…or in Zell. He wants to live. I know he does…"  
Squall stared into Rinoa's eyes, and saw the hope and the love that rested there staring back at him. And he welcomed it, the warmth and the love Rinoa shared with him finally driving away the last of the inner demons that had bound him since childhood. He touched his forehead to hers, like he'd done with Zell on the terrace, and smiled. "I don't need faith, Noa…when I've got you."  
Rinoa blushed a bit as she tilted her head upward, brushing her lips across the bottom of his chin, about to go a bit further when the door to the room quietly shushed open.  
"Squall?"  
Squall and Rinoa looked up to see Nida and Xu standing in the doorway. They stood up instantly.  
"How's Zell…?" Squall asked softly, hopefully. Nida and Xu looked at each other, then back at Squall, unable to speak for some reason. But they didn't need to, really.  
The emotions in their eyes was enough to make Squall's heart stop.  
  
  
"I can't stand anymore," Selphie announced suddenly. She'd been pacing the floor like an expectant father in a maternity ward waiting for news on Zell's condition. "I'm going in there." She marched toward the hallway with half the student body looking poised to follow her, when Quistis took her gently by the arm.  
"Selphie, it's not going to help if you charge in there barking demands. We have to trust Xu and Nida."  
"Nida, I trust. Xu…well, let's just say the jury's still out on that one," Selphie came back dryly.  
'Hey, take it easy, Selph," Irvine wrapped his arms around her from behind. "C'mon, Xu's worried about Zell, too. You saw how freaked she was when we gave her that bottle of pills we found. She's not gonna let him die if she can help it."  
"Humph," Selphie muttered, crossing her arms. She had to admit Irvine was right about that. The look of concern and fear Xu had on her face when Irvine had given her the empty bottle wasn't an act, but after all the strings she'd pulled trying to sneak Zell out of the Infirmary, and into a hospital behind Squall's back, Selphie wasn't ready to let Xu off the hook just yet.  
"Yeah, but she's got a point, guys," Raijin said, stepping forward. "It's been too long, ya know?"  
"AFFRIMITIVE," Fujin concurred. "DIRECT COURSE OF ACTION RECOMMENDED."  
Quistis looked over at Seifer, who was standing next to them, his arms crossed "Do you agree with them?"  
"You gotta ask?" Seifer answered. "We're not gonna get any answers standin' around here."  
"No, we won't," Quistis sighed. She took a breath, and squared her shoulders. "All right, then. Let's go find out what's--"  
Quistis was interrupted by a loud ripple of voices speaking and talking lowly in unison as it passed through the crowd of students around them. She and the others turned around and saw Squall and Rinoa coming down the hallway. Rinoa was alongside Squall, her arm threaded through his. Her eyes were trained on his face, which no one else could see since his head was hanging so low his chin touched his chest. His shoulders were slumped as he approached the expectant group, and Quistis felt a spiral of dread work its way into her throat as he and Rinoa finally came to a stop in front of the group.  
"Guys?" Irvine asked. "What is it? How's Zell?"  
"He's not…oh no, Squall, he's not…" Selphie brought trembling fingers to her mouth.  
"Squall…?" Quistis could barely speak his name. Seifer, Raijin , and Fujin stared in silence waiting for him to answer. Everyone in the hallway seemed to be holding their breath.  
Squall finally lifted his head to face his friends in a slow, aching fashion, his eyes slowly taking in the assembly before him. Every gaze he met returned his with hope and anxiety, each and every one pleading for answers. Squall steadied himself, took a breath, and then he said, the corners of his mouth rising into a bright smile of relief, "He's gonna be okay… Zell's gonna make it…!"  
A tidal wave of relief washed over the group as cheering and shed tears of joy broke out in equal amounts, Selphie squealing happily and Irvine embracing her from behind, Raijin exchanging handshakes with some of the other classmen, while Fuijin celebrated quietly a few feet away, a look of relief written large across her normally-critical face. Seifer came up beside Qustis, and put a hand on her shoulder. And was pleasantly surprised when she welcomed the gesture fully by placing her hand on top of his. But no one in the group was as relieved and happy as Squall, who was smiling hugely as he hugged Rinoa, thanking God, thanking Hyne, thanking whoever that Zell was going to pull through.  
Nida and Xu stood in the open doorway of the Infirmary watching the celebration. Nida looked just as happy as the others, but Xu looked anything but. The truth be told, she looked terribly disturbed.  
"Xu? Nida asked after a minute, "are you okay?"  
"I don't know, Nida," she answered absently. "I don't know what to make of any of this yet. I'm absolutely stumped. And for me, that's saying something."  
"Xu…it was probably nothing. It might've been a side effect of the drugs or something," Nida offered.  
"You don't believe that any more than I do. You saw it with your own eyes, just like me," Xu met Nida's gaze. "We weren't imagining this. Something strange happened in there, and I can't help wondering if it hasn't happened before."  
"Are you gonna tell the others?" Nida asked.  
"No. Not yet anyway. I don't want to spread falsehoods all over the Garden, and then end up being wrong about all this. I've hurt Zell enough as it is, trying to shuttle him off to a hospital behind everyone's backs. I don't blame Selphie for letting me have it." Xu sighed with frustration. "And I actually thought he plunged out of that tree to get some attention. I thought he was pulling a STUNT, for Hyne's sake! My God…what does that say about me, Nida? What kind of person am I??"  
"Xu, don't…" Nida said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "All these recriminations aren't gonna do anyone any good. All we can do right now is figure where to go from here. Zell's probably gonna be asleep for a while, so we can puzzle it out after he wakes up."  
"I can't wait that long," Xu said, looking back into the Infirmary, where Zell was still lying on the operating table. "Squall's not the only one who owes Zell, Nida. I do, too. And I have to make up for this somehow. Emotional upheavals don't just happen; something caused this, I'm sure of that much." She narrowed her eyes on Zell's sleeping body with a look of fixed determination.  
"And I'm going to find out what if it's the last thing I do."  
  
  
To be continued… 


	3. Chapter 13 Speaking To The Heart

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy 8, and all characters referred to herein, are the property of Squaresoft.  
  
  
Chapter 13-Speaking To The Heart  
A sleepy murmur emanated from Squall's throat as he roused himself from sleep, pale white light meeting his vision as it filtered in through the thin curtains in the Infirmary. What time is it? he thought, glancing bleary-eyed at the clock on the far wall.   
After midnight. Squall pushed a hand through his tousled hair as he stood up, yawning in the direction of his boots and jacket that sat in a chair in the corner. Squall had spent the past twenty-four hours in the Infirmary's second room, partially to nurse his own exhaustion from the past two stress-filled days and nights, but the majority of his decision to take up temporary residence in the Infirmary centered on Zell. Although he had yet to regain consciousness, Nida and Xu were convinced he would make a full recovery.   
Squall had been incredibly grateful to the two of them afterward. He'd thanked them both profusely after he and Rinoa had gotten the word from them about Zell. The Xerevin he'd consumed had taken its toll, and taxed his body and mind considerably, but it was Squall's heartfelt admission on the terrace that had given Zell a reason to keep fighting. Nida firmly believed that was what had kept Zell hanging on while they'd filtered the drugs out of his system. Nida sported a sheepish, but grateful grin at Squall's thanks, while Xu simply accepted it with a quiet resignation. But she seemed troubled by something, and Squall was at a loss to figure out what. Now that he remembered, he hadn't seen Xu for a while. Apparently from what Nida had told him earlier, she'd holed herself up in Cid's office after she'd finished working on Zell, and hadn't set foot outside since.  
After deciding he'd talk to her about that later, Squall ambled into the Infirmary's main room, white socked feet padding soundlessly across the floor toward the other room where Zell was sleeping. The metal door shushed open, and Squall stuck his head in.  
"Zell? You awake?"  
There was no answer. Squall really hadn't expected one, but he'd been hoping all the same. Zell was still asleep, lying on his back, and stretched out down the length of the bed, a thin blanket pulled up to his waist. Zell's black and red jacket was draped over the small chair in near the window, moonlight touching the blue flames on the shoulders. Zell's sneakers were piled there, too, along with his Ergheiz gloves.  
Squall walked over to Zell's right side, kneeling down next to the bed. Zell looked a lot better than he had during the course of the past week. The color was back in his face, and the scrapes and bruises he'd incurred in the fall from the tree were almost healed. He reached out , lifting Zell's hand off its resting place on his stomach, and took it in his own. He trailed his bare fingers gently over the network of scars that lined his wrist, frowning slightly at the sight. Dr. Kadowaki had said Zell had probably been slitting them for years, and there were still the most recent ones there as well. Squall felt an hollow ache build up inside his heart. He couldn't understand how anyone could resort to doing something like this to rid themselves of their emotional pain. Even when Squall was at his loneliest, he never even entertained the possibility of actually hurting himself like that.  
Of course I can't understand… I'm not Zell… He sighed, and squeezed Zell's hand. "Oh man, Zell…"he murmured. "I wish I could've been there for you then. We were both so lonely…you tried too hard, and I didn't try hard enough…hell, I didn't try period," He sighed, tears threatening to form in his eyes. "But, Zell…I'm here now…and I'm not gonna shut you out again. I'm gonna help you through this--I don't care how long it takes…" Squall reached over to his chest with his free hand, grasping Griever between his fingers. Please, Zell…please wake up …I don't care if it's just for a second…c'mon…call me 'baby', tease me, tell me to lighten up--I don't care… just talk to me…I need to tell you…I need to--" Squall lost his voice to a lump in his throat that he couldn't seem to swallow, and tears brimmed beneath his tightly shut eyes, spilling over his face. "I need to say…thank you…"  
"…Squall…?"  
Squall's head snapped up, his eyes practically flying open. Zell was staring back at him, his eyes only half-open and slightly foggy with exhaustion and the after-effects of the detox protocols he gone through. But the bright blue Squall knew like the back of his gunblade was still there, and it was the best sight he'd seen in the last twenty-four hours.  
"Hey, buddy…" Squall whispered, completely heedless of the fact that he still had tears in his eyes. "Are you okay…? How do you feel…?"  
Zell actually managed a tired smile. "…S'all good, baby…" he said, his voice rough with sleep, but still under toned with his trademark humor. Then his face turned serious. "…Squall, dude…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry I freaked you out up there…I dunno what got into me…I just --I just wanted it to stop hurtin'…"  
"Zell, it's all right. I understand. You don't have to be sorry for that, and I don't want you to be."  
Squall knelt closer to the bed, tightening his grip on Zell's hand. "If anybody needs to apologize, it's me. For not being the kind of friend you needed me to be. I kept shoving you away when you were hurting, and I didn't wanna hear about your problems…your pain…" Squall swallowed hard before going on. "No matter what I did, you never stopped trying to knock down my walls, and melt the ice I'd built up around my feelings… I didn't understand why before…but I do now." Squall's fingers shifted to the chain around his neck, tugging Griever upward toward Zell's eyes. Confusion crossed his face for a minute, but it was slowly replaced by recognition.  
"…Squall…when…when did you…? …how long have you…?" Zell asked. He tried to sit up, but the lingering pain in his ribcage chose that particular moment to start a protest march, and he groaned, wincing with the effort.  
"Whoa, Zell…take it easy!" Squall pushed him back down gently. "You're still bruised up from the fall. Don't try and move yet, okay?"  
Zell grimaced and laid down again, squeezing his eyes shut, waiting for the wave of pain in his chest to die down. He was surprised that Zell was feeling the aches of his injuries now of all times, when he hadn't shown an inch of discomfort up on the terrace. Another thing that had him wondering was why he'd taken this long to wake up. True, he'd been under extreme stress, coupled with the drugs in his system, but the detox process should have compensated for all that. By all rights, Zell should've been conscious long ago, but he'd only just woken up. Why was that?   
"…Hey…" Zell's voice pulled Squall back to reality. He lifted his head and found Zell staring back at him, a half-amazed, half-amused look on his face. "…Hey… am I seein' things…? Squall Leonhart…the big, bad, kick-ass hero of the whole freakin' planet…cryin'…?"  
Squall was knocked off balance slightly by the comment, forgetting that he still had tears streaks on his cheeks. He quirked an eyebrow at Zell, pretending to be deeply offended, and said , "Hey , I'm happy, okay? You got a problem with that?" He punched Zell's arm gently.  
"…Nah…" Zell chuckled, Squall grinning back at him. "…Wow…I haven't seen you smile like that since we were kids, man… Feels good, huh…?"  
Squall nodded. "Yeah. I wish it hadn't taken something like this to bring it out of me, though. Look, Zell…not to get off subject here, but…you've got a lot of issues to work through. You know that, right?"  
Zell nodded. "…Yeah... I…I don't wanna go back to where I was, but…I dunno how--I dunno where to go from here…I got so much comin' down on me, Squall…I'm scared…"  
"I know, Zell. You've got every right to be. But you're gonna go through this by yourself--we all wanna help you. Me, Noa, Quistis, Irvine, Selphie, Seifer…none of us wanna lose you to these demons you're fighting, Zell. Especially not me."   
Zell nodded. He'd gone silent now after working himself into a sitting position without setting off the pain in his ribs again, his knees up to his chest, arms wrapped around them. He looked so lost, and Squall was suddenly afraid of what might be going through his friend's mind. He reacted on instinct, reaching out for Zell in a protective manner that was all too familiar for him. But unlike other times when he'd done it as a simple, unattached concern that a superior officer would show to another soldier who was under his command, Squall's motives for doing it now were solely for the purpose of comforting Zell.  
"Hey," he said softly, his right hand closing around the back of Zell's neck, "listen, you don't have to deal with this right now, Zell. The only thing you should be worrying about is getting some rest. It's pretty late, and I think we could both stand to get some sleep. Hey…you think you'll be up to handling visitors tomorrow? The whole Garden's been worried about you."  
Zell raised his eyes to Squall's. He hesitated for a second, then nodded. "Yeah…yeah, I'd like that…"  
Squall smiled. "Great. I know for a fact that Selphie wants to be the first person in here tomorrow." Squall patted Zell's shoulder, feeling a wave of relief inside him when the blonde boy offered a smile of his own in response.Squall rose from his spot next to the bed when Zell caught his wrist and squeezed gently, an unspoken question passing between them as blue eyes met gray ones.  
"Don't worry, Zell. I'm not going anywhere." And to emphasize the point, he readjusted his position near the bed, taking Zell's hand again as he settled back down on the floor.   
Zell yawned expansively, lying back against the bed, slowly surrendering to the pull of sleep. He gazed down at Squall's hand holding his own, his fingertips touching against the scars on his wrists, and suddenly realized he wasn't wearing his gloves. "…Squall…I…I need to tell you about…"  
"Zell, it's okay. It can wait. Just get some sleep, all right? We can talk about it whenever you're ready." Squall said reassuringly. "I'm here for you, okay?"  
"…Thanks, man…" Zell trailed off into silence, and finally fell asleep. Squall felt his own weariness finally seeping back into his body and let himself drift off as well.   
But there was still one thing he'd hadn't been able to explain--two things actually.  
What had happened to Zell on the terrace?   
And why was he suddenly sure he'd seen it somewhere before?  
  
***  
  
Seifer wandered aimlessly though the Garden, heading for nowhere in particular. He hadn't really been sleeping tonight--just tossing and turning every once in a while in his old quarters, which Quistis had generously offered to him since he hadn't wanted to leave until he knew if Zell was going to be all right. She'd done the same for Fujin and Raijin as thanks for helping to keep things calm and moderately same that night.  
Seifer had been taken aback by her kindness throughout all this. She was being remarkably understanding given all the hell he'd helped unleash, and he was grateful for that. Even if deep down he didn't feel worthy of the compassion.   
But he could handle all that--all the things he'd done as Ultimecia's knight. It haunted him, of course, but all that paled in comparison to the torment he was feeling now. Every jab, every taunt, every sneer and cruel gesture he'd ever made toward Zell --they all came flooding back to his mind, ringing in his ears mercilessly.  
  
Cry-ba--by Ze--ll!! Cry--ba--by Ze--ll!!  
Awww, whassamatter, sissy-boy?  
Whatcha gonna do about it…CHICKEN WUSS!!  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!  
  
Seifer winced, barely repressing the disgusted shudder that rolled down his back. He'd never been one to dwell too heavily on the past, but then again he wasn't the same person he was back then. Not anymore. At least that's what he hoped anyway. He'd done so much wrong to everyone, especially Zell, and he had no idea how he was ever going to be able to balance the scales for that. He didn't even know if it was possible. But he wouldn't stop trying. That much he did know.  
Before he knew it, Seifer found himself standing in the middle of the ballroom. Moonlight from the terrace just beyond him spilled across the ceiling columns and onto the cold marble floor, lending a slightly eerie appearance to the area. But it wasn't the subdued light around him that made Seifer stop short in the middle of the room, but the sight of someone standing outside looking out into the night beyond.  
Quistis was there, her back to him, standing with her arms wrapped around her sides. Her hair was unbound--unusual for her--, the long blonde strands carried by the strong breeze blowing in. She looked so isolated and detached from everything, Seifer noticed. She looks just like I feel right now…maybe I should just leave her alone…  
He turned to go, but before he could entertain the thought of retreating, a voice called out, "Seifer?"   
Seifer turned back around and saw Quistis looking back at him more than a little surprised. The breeze that was blowing picked up a bit, carrying her hair to the side. Moonlight played briefly against the blue of her eyes and seemed to subtract years from her face. The whole effect was stunning--almost bewitching in its way, and Seifer found himself staring at her like he'd been hypnotized. A fact that wasn't lost on Quistis as she suddenly broke into soft, amused laughter.  
Oh man… Seifer rubbed the back of his head, looking considerably abashed. "Sorry, uh…I'm not… I'm not buggin' you or anything, am I?"  
"You were staring," Quistis said, clearly enjoying Seifer's embarrassment.  
"Y-yeah…" he stumbled out, his face red. "Sorry…I-I can just go…"  
"Seifer, it's all right. I was teasing." She motioned for him to join her. "I could use some company."  
"Uh, sure…okay…" Seifer walked over to the balcony, leaning against the railing. His face was still slightly crimson, but it was fading now that the initial shock had worn off. He was privately relieved that no one had seen him get so tied up in knots the way he just had. Zell would've laughed himself sick if he'd seen this. "So…" he said, searching for words, "you couldn't sleep either, huh?"  
"No. And Hyne knows I've tried. I can't seem to get my mind off Zell."  
"Yeah, me either. You think he's gonna make it?" Seifer asked.  
"Nida and Xu seem to think so," Quistis replied.  
Seifer shook his head. "I mean with the emotional stuff. You didn't see him up here that night, Quistis." He put his face in his hands and sighed . "I've never seen anybody look so lost. All I could think about was part of the reason he had that damn gun to his head was all the grief I gave him. And then it got me remembering all the fights I had with Squall, and the way he reached out to Zell, begging him not to pull the trigger…geez…" he groaned . "Why do we do it, Quistis? Why do we hurt each other like that when we're kids? It doesn't make sense to me anymore."  
"Sense doesn't apply when childhood's involved, Seifer," Quistis sighed. "It's probably the most illogical time in a person's life besides adolescence. Childhood's always been more about emotion than anything else, and you don't always think about the consequences of all the things you say or do. The fact that the names and the taunts we throw at each other have any kind of lasting effect on someone doesn't always cross our minds."  
"Ain't that the truth," Seifer muttered bitterly. Quistis looked over at him, studying his face. The arrogance and attitude that once held dominance there was long since gone. Instead there was pain, regret, and an unspeakable loneliness glaring back at her. She had no doubt that he wasn't the person he once was, and she couldn't quite describe the way it made her feel.   
Quistis moved closer to him, her hands closing on his right arm in support. Seifer shifted a bit, moving his free hand over hers. "I don't even know where to start with them as far as making amends goes. I mean…I scarred Squall, I tortured him in prison, I treated Zell like trash for years--geez…!" Seifer groaned, frustrated. "Where am I supposed to go from here?"  
There was silence for a moment. Then,  
"…Come home…," Quistis said quietly. "Come back to the Garden."  
"What…?"  
"Come back, Seifer," Quistis went on. "This is your home. I know you believe that no one could ever forgive you for all that's happened, but it's not true. I forgive you. And I've…I've missed you…terribly…"  
Seifer was dumbstruck at the declaration as Quistis continued. "All this heartache surrounding Zell…it's made me realize how fragile life really is. And I don't want to go on another moment without telling you the truth…"  
Seifer blinked, completely confused. "Quistis, what…what're you…what're you trying to tell me…?"  
The answer came then, but not at all in the way he expected. Quistis leaned into him, her arms closing around his neck. Then her lips claimed his, the sensations rolling over his body in shockwaves of conflict, unbearably slow one second, then agonizingly sweet the next. He tensed inside out of pure instinct, but then, after a second, melted into her. He wrapped one arm, then both around her waist, his eyes sliding closed as he shivered slightly in her embrace.  
Quistis breathed in the scent of Seifer's presence against her, wondering blindly how she was still managing to stay upright, since it felt like her spinal cord had evaporated into thin air. Seifer's arms around her had quite a bit to do with it of course, but still…She felt warmth like nothing she'd ever known flood through her body and soul as Seifer laid a hand to her cheek, his tongue brushing briefly across her lips, sending a shudder of ecstasy down her back. She was aching inside as she finally pulled away, twin tears of unsaid emotion slipping down her face as she opened her eyes again, only to be confronted by the pale emerald of Seifer's own looking back at her.  
"Wow…" he breathed, his voice sending a shiver of hope and something else Quistis couldn't quite name through her as a soft smile grew across his face. "You've got one helluva way of making a guy feel wanted, Instructor."  
"I should've done it long ago," she whispered into his neck. "I wasn't ready before, but I am now. And I refuse to be a coward about it again." She trailed fingertips across his lips. "Please, Seifer…come home."  
Seifer sighed lightly, drawing her closer, his cheek in her hair. "Hey…how could I say no after a kiss like that?"  
Quistis chuckled softly. "Shameless flatterer."  
"You really think they'll forgive me, huh?" he asked. "Squall and Zell and everybody else?"  
"I have," Quistis raised her head, her lips brushing his chin. "But remember…you have to forgive yourself, too. Everything else will be easy after that."  
Seifer looked off into the night as Quistis rested her head on his shoulder.  
"I hope so," he murmured.  
  
***  
  
"Do you think he's awake yet?" Selphie asked as she trudged down the main staircase near the elevator. Irvine and Rinoa were on either side of her as they descended the stairs on their way to the Infirmary. They'd all gotten up early this morning to check up on Zell, intending to surprise both him and Squall since they knew he'd been bunking there to keep a closer eye on Zell's progress.  
"Probably. Nida said he was doing a lot better yesterday afternoon, so he oughta be up and around by now," Irvine flicked a stray lock of hair out of his eyes as they continued on. "I'll bet all the gil in my wallet that Squall's probably in with him now."  
"You'd win that bet, I'm sure," Rinoa smiled. She, out of everyone knew how much all this drama with Zell had changed Squall. She'd always suspected that he wasn't as cold and indifferent as he seemed to be, and while she had a lot to do with bringing all that to the surface after so many years of resistance and keeping people at a distance, Rinoa wasn't arrogant enough to believe she was solely responsible for it. Zell was warm and reachable, and there was no fear of him turning to ice the way Squall used to before he changed. He was just one of those types that everyone felt at ease with, and Rinoa was just incredibly grateful that Squall had been able to save him that night. She couldn't even fathom what the loss would've have done to all of them, especially him.  
"So has anyone seen Qusitis?" she asked. Irvine and Selphie exchanged a look between them, suddenly looking sheepish about the subject of the blond instructor.   
"What? What'd I miss?" Rinoa queried.  
"Well, uh…" Irvine's cheeks turned slightly pink as he tugged his hat down over his eyes a little. Selphie for her part just smiled knowingly. Rinoa grabbed them both by the arm, and pulled them to a stop in the middle of the hallway.  
"All right, spill you two," Rinoa prodded. "Where's Quistis?"  
Irvine cleared his throat, adjusting his hat again. "Well…she's kinda…kinda…indisposed at the moment…" His cheeks were twice as red now.  
"Indisposed…" Rinoa repeated. "Indisposed with what exactly?"  
"Not what--who." Selphie grinned. "Who being Seifer. There were upstairs on the terrace. They must've been there all night because we found them up there fast asleep in a rather…cozy position if you catch my meaning."  
"You're kidding! Did they see you?" Rinoa asked intrigued.  
"Nah. Selphie wanted to go over there and bust 'em right there, but I convinced her keeping the info for future teasing would be a better idea." Irvine grinned.  
Rinoa? You're not upset, are you?" Selphie asked then as they started walking again. "I mean, I know you and Seifer had…something a while back…"  
"No, I'm not upset, Selphie. It was never serious between us, and I think we both knew that deep down. I'm just surprised, is all. I didn't know she felt that way about him."  
"Hey, guys!" a voice called from behind. The others turned to see Nida coming down the hall toward them.  
"Hey, Nida. You comin' to check up on Zell?" Irvine asked.  
"Yeah," he nodded. "I didn't have a chance last night. I've been trying to get Xu out of Headmaster Cid's office."  
"She's still in there?" Irvine scratched his head. "What the heck's she doin'?"  
"Dunno," Nida shrugged. "I can't get her to talk to me."  
"You don't think she's up to anything sneaky again, do you, Nida?" Selphie asked suspiciously.   
Nida shook his head. "No. She's definitely not trying to ship Zell off or anything, Selph. I know that for a fact." Nida told her as they reached the door to the Infirmary. "Trust me, she's worried about him too. She knows she was wrong, and she's trying to make up for it." Selphie didn't look any too convinced, but she let it go for the moment. Zell was the important thing right now.  
The group ushered themselves into the Infirmary, noticing the side room next to Zell's was empty. Nida crossed over to Zell's room, opening it, the door shushing quietly to the side. Squall was sitting on the floor, his head down on his knees, which were pulled up to his chest, his left arm wrapped around them. His right arm was stretched down the length of the bed's right side next to Zell, who held Squall's hand lightly in his own. They were both fast asleep.  
"Squall?" Rinoa bent down next to him, shaking him gently by the shoulders. He stirred a bit from his spot next to the bed, lifting his head off his knees.  
"…Noa…? …Guys…?" he asked raggedly, rubbing at his bleary eyes.  
"Hey," Irvine knelt next to him, "you been in here all night, Squall?"  
"Yeah," Squall yawned, working himself upright. "Zell woke up for a few minutes around midnight."  
"He did?" Selphie darted past Irvine, and almost bowled Rinoa over trying to get in front of Squall. " Is he okay?? Did he say anything???"   
"Whoa, whoa, whoa…easy, Selph," Squall steadied her. "Zell's fine except for his ribs. He's still a little banged up, but physically, he's gonna be okay. I don't know about his state of mind, though. He's scared, and I don't blame him."  
"He wants to get better though, doesn't he?" Selphie asked. "I mean, he wasn't talking about dying again, was he, Squall?"  
Squall shook his head firmly. "No, thank God. But Zell's got a whole lifetime of pain to work through, and it's not gonna be easy for him. He knows that, and he wants to deal with it, but he's gonna need all of us to help him through. I mean, everything he's told us so far--Zell didn't have to say anything about that. He could've lied to us, but he didn't, and the fact that he opened up like the way he did says a lot about him wanting help."  
"But he's gonna need more than that, though," Nida put in. "I mean, there's no quick solution for something like this, and there's no time frame on how long all this could take, either."  
"Doesn't matter," Irvine crossed his arms, a determined set to his jaw. "Whatever Zell needs, he's got it."  
"Goes without saying," Rinoa added, accompanied by a nods from Selphie.   
"Great. I knew you guys would say that." Squall smiled. "Hey," he looked around the room for a second, "aren't we missing someone? Where's Quistis? I thought she'd be with you guys."  
Rinoa cleared her throat and tried not to smile too widely. Irvine was blushing, something Squall thought was impossible, and Selphie was wearing a knowing I've-got-a-secret smirk on her face.  
"Oh boy…do I even want the answer to this?" Squall asked. But before anyone could offer another word, the intercom warbled to life.  
*Squall, this is Xu. Please report to Headmaster Cid's office. I repeat, please report to Headmaster Cid's office.*  
"Oh, Hyne," Selphie groused. "Now what does she want?"  
"Man, finally…" Nida sighed. "I was starting to think she'd never let anyone back in there. Squall…"  
Squall nodded. "I'm going. Guys, if Zell wakes up, tell him were I went, and that I'll be back in a while, okay?" He headed out of the room, but stopped short. "Talk to him, guys. Let him know you're here for him. That's the best medicine in the world right now."  
The group nodded in unison. "We will," Rinoa said.  
  
  
After taking a minute to retrieve his boots and jacket from the other room, Squall headed for the elevator. He'd planned on speaking to Xu anyway, so this was the perfect chance to do it. A minute later, he stepped off the elevator and into the office. The place was something of a mess. There were papers scattered across Cid's desk. Books were piled up next to the computer on the right side of the room, the humming and rattling of the printer humming along, a stray sheet of printout paper shuffling to the floor every now and again.  
Holy Hyne, Xu…what the hell have you been doing in here? Squall ambled into further into the room, taking in the moderate chaos before him. "Xu? Are you here?"  
"Here, Squall," a tired voice said from the other side of the room. Xu stood up and crossed toward him. As she did, Squall finally got a good look at her, barely able to keep from staring at her.   
She looked…haggard to say the absolute least. Xu always prided herself on looking her best at all times, but it looked as if she'd just risen from the grave. Her hair was a disheveled mess, deep lines of exhaustion etched into her face like scribblings on some phantom chalkboard. The circles under her eyes almost gave the impression that someone had blackened both of them with a baseball bat. Several times in fact. Still, being the consumate professional she was, Xu straightened in the blink of an eye, snapped herself to attention, and saluted.   
Squall shook himself, and returned the gesture. "Reporting as ordered," he said formally.  
"At ease, Squall, it wasn't an official order." Xu relaxed, brushing fingers across her forehead. She looked like she hadn't gotten any sleep in the last week, to say nothing of last night.  
"Are you okay?" Squall asked. "Nida said you've been in here since yesterday, Xu. What's going on?"  
"I've been…busy," Xu replied shortly.  
"Obviously. But busy with what?" Squall's eyes fell on a folder lying on Cid's desk. "What is this, Xu?" Squall picked it up, his eyes roaming over the writing on the front. As soon as the words registered in his mind, Squall felt his anger beginning to rise up from the pit of his stomach. He glared over at Xu, who was finally opening her mouth to speak. Not that she got the chance.  
"This, Xu?" Squall asked loudly. "Commitment papers to Deling City Hospital?! This is what you've been busy with???"  
"Squall--" she started, but Squall cut her off.  
"My God, Xu, what the hell is wrong with you?! I can't believe you're still on this insane crusade to get Zell admitted to a hospital! Especially after Headmaster Cid gave you that warning!! Are you crazy or just stupid??!"  
"Squall, this isn't--  
"Isn't what?! What it looks like? You know I thought after you told us about your friend and everything that happened to her changed your mind about this, Xu. And the way you and Nida helped save his life…I thought you'd learned something from all this, but I guess not." Squall shook his head, disgusted. "Y'know, I take it back. I'm the one who's stupid--stupid for thinking you actually had a heart underneath that uniform. You're a disgrace to the Garden, Xu."  
Xu was either hiding her emotions toward all this or she was just too tired to care, because her voice and face betrayed nothing. "Squall, let me explain--"  
"Explain what?! I've heard enough!" Squall was absolutely infuriated. This was the biggest slap in the face he'd ever witnessed, and he had no intention of letting it go unpunished. "I'm going to see Cid right now, Xu, and I'm gonna make DAMN sure you answer for this!" Xu opened her mouth again, but Squall cut her off with a hard glare.  
"Don't you dare open your mouth, Xu," Squall growled. His voice was ice. "There's nothing--and I mean NOTHING--that could make me stay here and listen to anything you have to say!" He snapped around and headed for the elevator.  
But then…  
"Ixos thanos hic tsoltas valens timnet."  
Squall froze.  
"Chros non regnes hox vocses," Xu continued from behind him, her voice calm and clear. "I am the Messenger with destiny in my wings. Time cannot still my words."  
Squall went cold inside. His anger was crashing, burning, going down in flames, and being swiftly replaced by shock. He turned around slowly, his face the portrait of confusion, and met Xu's eyes.  
They were full of nothing but concern.  
"Xu…" Squall stumbled for words, "how did…how did you…where'd you…how…?"  
Xu walked over to him, her hands closing on his arms. "Sit down, Squall," she said quietly.  
"We have a lot to talk about."  
  
  
To be continued…  
  
  
Next Chapter…Zell and Seifer try to bury the past, and Xu reveals the cause of Zell's emotional upheavals to the others in "Questions And Answers". 


End file.
